Where Does Judgment Come From?
One of the hardest things we can work on is judgment.
I’ve found this in coaching my clients and in my own life.
I know where mine comes from – a necessity to please and the need to achieve.
Whether you had what some people would call a tough upbringing or a sound, loving one, or even a mixture of the two, there is likely to be some mud that has stuck. Some dodgy belief or judgment that you’ve carried into adulthood. And if you’re an emotional eater reading this I would bet my bottom dollar that one is influencing the other.
You see, your beliefs are the drivers of your behavior. Therefore it’s really tough to change our behavior without examining our beliefs.
It may have been something that you were told in the playground.
Perhaps it was some fleeting, yet for you, cutting remark made by a schoolteacher.
Maybe you saw something that no child of that age should have seen.
However trivial and insignificant you probably believe that it should be now, there is a chance that your unconscious mind is still storing the information, along with the pain and trauma that you felt at the time, and as a result, is influencing your behaviors right now.
Including your behaviors around food.
It is highly unlikely that you are aware of those beliefs because they are part of your programming and come from your unconscious mind.
Food is one of the only soothers we can access to as a child.
As we grow up, we need soothing and reassuring a lot more than most parents realize.
Food fits the bill nicely and so many children grow up numbing with it or (in the case of anorexia) avoiding it as much as possible to gain some control in their life.
I feel that the most profound technique we learn from a very young age is how to pass judgment.
It’s pretty hard for parents and teachers to avoid judgment when you think about it. We have to learn right from wrong so that we can develop values, principles and hopefully have something positive to contribute to the world.
Unfortunately, the judgment in kids develops into what is considered acceptable.
Most kids don’t want to be leaders. They want to fit in, look the same, wear the latest clothes and shoes. And it’s painful for them when they are singled out for even the slightest difference to the tribe.
Because of their own insecurities, many kids adopt a “bully or be bullied” attitude.
So the judgments are rife as to what is OK and what is not and then how they want others to conform. It’s a projection of their own fears.
I didn’t fit in well at school for the most part. I was head and shoulders taller than most of my friends at middle school so I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. My parents couldn’t afford the fashionable clothes my friends wore.
I had body issues. I would project the judgment I had about my own body out onto others. I’m not proud of myself to admit this. But in the end, realizing and admitting it was a gift and it paved the way for my own recovery in the end.
Yoga for Judgment
How did I do it? How did I get the judge to budge?
What did I do to stop myself bitching, to free myself from jealousy and malicious gossip?
The answer: YOGA
It wasn’t a sudden thing. Nor was it conscious.
And it creeps in now again still. I’m a work-in-progress!
When I started yoga, it was in the hope of getting thinner thighs!
But little by little, I started to dig deeper into the meditation (to stop my crazy, catty mind) and the philosophy because I realized that yoga is a science, designed to give me peace.
Furthermore, after my breakdown/breakthrough, I had to do something and yoga was there, waiting for me like a trusted parent. The doors were wide open and therefore, all I had to do was practice and let yoga work its magic.
The mental benefits of yoga and meditation gave me confidence in my true self, not the fake arrogance of a high-flying material girl, but someone who finally had a deeper more valuable gift to offer the world. In time, I no longer needed to judge others to make myself feel better. I felt better because of the attention and practice that I gifted myself the benefits of.
Two Ways to Budge Judgment with ME!
1. For a little taster of yoga postures (asana), how about 54 weeks of FREE short practices delivered to your inbox?– you can enroll for that HERE
2. In my book BodyMAGIC!, I offer links to two FREE yoga practices. I dedicate a whole chapter to why yoga can really help you overcome emotional or binge eating. It’s really about connecting with your body again. From that connection, everything flows.
So, if you are ready to read, HERE’s a link to find out more about my book: